I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
