I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
