I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
