Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
