Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
