Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
