perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
