I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was confusing and full of hummus
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
