she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
