Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
