what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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