he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
