I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
