Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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