I think my vagina is haunted
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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