sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
