fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
