i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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