Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
