her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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