haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
