if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
