It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
