she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
