he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
why is half of my head shaved?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
