People in love make me want to vomit
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
