I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
