His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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