Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't turn off my feet"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
