i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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