peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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