their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we made out on top of his cat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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