Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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