why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
