When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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