White coat. Heels.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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