I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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