im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
