I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
zippers are such a cool invention
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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