If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
