you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
