Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
