You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
