Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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