a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
