So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Are my feet made of real feet?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
