we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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