Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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