I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
