You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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