I accidentally had phone sex last night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We have started to decorate penises.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
