Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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