Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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