i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
